You know how on Sundays I don’t post on the blog to show you I’m a busy person? Well, I could not wait.You have to hear this story.Yesterday, the devil and his roommates were dancing Azonto with my destiny. I should be a detective/ problem solver I tell you.
So, It’s 2.00 AM, I am sound asleep on my bed,dreaming about this guy I’ve had a crush on for ages when I hear a noise.Normally when I hear this kind of noise, I always know that it’s a cockroach roaming on my wallpaper. I never give it a thought.The noise persists. You know the sound maize from shags makes when you are trying to remove chaff? If that maize had a choir, that would be the kind of sound I was listening to.
This sound persists so I get up and reach for my torch.More like the phone flashlight. I put it on and peruse the room for any irregularities. Lo and Behold!
I am not wearing my glasses but my eyes meet the longest trail of safari ants I have ever seen in one room.These creatures that are only supposed to balance the ecosystem had a concert on one corner of my little room.The drunk ones veered off the arena, staggering on my shoes and workout gear that I had folded neatly the night before.The bouncers, those big giant ants with oversized heads were waiting for me to say Ng’we.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I knew my day had come.Two things were going to happen, I find a way to get them out or they find a way to get to me.I thought of hot water but my gas cooker died on me last night.What a coincidence!
My yoga mat was next to the folded workout gear, I shook it thoroughly like I was getting paid .It was my only key to getting the broom that was already a flourishing hotel room for the couple ants.My job was to get the broom so I could facilitate phase two and also keep these creatures from infesting my bed.I managed to get the broom.I shook it like a maniac.
Now,how do I get the ants off my clothes? I remembered I have this workout gloves that may prevent the bouncer ants from biting me so I reach out.With all due respect my bag and gloves we having a coachella moment with party ants that love things outside the norm.I was chopped and screwed.
Like a little detective, I used the broom to beat my own clothes up, the divide and conquer style .I crushed the hell out of those bouncer ant faces.All this while I felt like the Jack Bauer of finishing safari ants.I was unscathed!
I cleared the ants from the wall, off my clothes and pounded their heads like fufu.How dare they disrupt my sleep?I had a substantial amount of energy left so I collected the dead and undead ones and put them in my dustbin. The coast was clear but I had a coachella situation on my bag and gloves.
I took the dustbin outside, right below the grass, next to the steps that led to my one-roomed apartment and took the bag out as well.I surveyed the room for any signs of foul play,all this while, none of the ants had a taste of my flesh. Damn! I was good.
Now that the room was clear, I stepped out like batman, ready to finish phase three of my mission. I stepped on the grass, cleaning the steps with my broom, I opened the bag then dropped it like it was hot.My people, the sharpest, most painful sting pierced my thighs like a thunderbolt. I was numb for a second.Loading reality.I had successful stepped on a congregation of ants that had crawled off my dustbin. I shook my body like a witchdoctor from a naija film all the while cursing the day I moved into this unsafe apartment. I shook.And Shook.And shook some more.Until I was sure I was done.
I abandoned my bag and the dustbin altogether, knowing I would clear the mess the next day.I closed the door and just as I was about to go to bed,the next sting came near my belly followed by another one on my thigh.People, I have never undressed so fast.I threw every piece of clothing on the floor.
Phew! This apartment has shown me things.I dressed up in new pyjamas and put on some socks. The world was a very scary place last night.As I was picking up sleep, I felt a light sting on my head and reached out to see baby ant saying ‘I ain’t sorry.’ You don’t need to be told, I slept in suspense the whole night.
What a life!