I feel like I should give you a bedtime story every week.I have such a past that is thrilling, I laugh at myself so hard.I will see if I can create a column for it.
My mum has educated all my siblings and I. She believes so much in good education. She did not take us to any Group of Schools but she ensured we went to the best she could afford. For that reason,I grew up around civilized people who said “please” “sorry” “excuse me “and “thank you“.Arguments were solved amicably and fights were illegal. To that effect, I had mastered the art of using harsh words politely.
Then came campus, where people from all walks of life came together. I had three roommates. One of them was from the same town as myself, except she went to a school where polite words were illegal and every harsh word was followed with a punch.Let us call her Truphena.
Truphena did not take sifted maize meal, no, she carried 5 kilograms of yellow maize floor from home.Her side of the room was full of grains: beans, maize,green grams and the likes.Truphena carried two tins of omena (sardines) on opening day and insisted on “airing” them at least twice a week.Woe unto you if you had a male friend coming over.Truphena had a boyfriend. I pitied that young man.I am not saying Truphena was aesthetically challenged,that she was bred in the ghetto was not enough,Truphena had man arms, and some what a man face. I once saw her in make up and laughed till my jaws dropped.
One day, I had a disagreement with everyone in the room.The room was communal, we shared heaters, iron boxes etcetera. When I fell out with my room mates, I went rogue on Miss Independent mode.I bought everything of my own and lived in an island. I always had my earphones on and only removed them to take a shower.I did not participate in cleaning anymore. No. I was waiting for the semester to end so I could go home.
During this time of isolation, Truphena had taken enough from my stubborn self.I remember I had an exam the next week.I was revising (more like cramming) Introduction to Microbiology when I felt her man hands grabbing my earphones and pulling them away.
“When I come back from the library, I want that dustbin empty.Okay?”
In my thoughts,”Look at you and your man hands trying to mother an unmotherable person.”
I returned my earphones back in place.Later during the day, I went for a discussion with friends and did not come back till 8.00PM.
I opened the door, the first thing I saw was the dustbin. ON MY BED!
“What the hell?”
That toenail of Satan was not in.I was burning with fury! I took the dustbin and swirled the dirt on her bed, spreading left -over avocado and uneaten yellow ugali on her white bed sheets.I went on to have my supper and sat down on the table to keep cramming Microbiology.
One of the other ladies must have wired the proceedings in her direction because Truphena burst the door open like a mad woman.See, when you are good with words with no physical strength, you think everyone around you is the same way.
“The devil is a liar.”
Truphena had began working on my back with her belt.
“The devil is a liar.”
I grabbed the nearest thing, a cooking stick and landed with a thud on her man face.
All hell broke loose!The table was flying!The chairs were flying!The other roommates raced out of the room.My glasses flew off my face,she stepped on them and pinned me down.She was raining blows and I was trying to block her.I cannot remember the exact timing but she gave me a blow in between my eyes that still hurt two weeks after the fight.
We were separated when the whole floor came to rescue the situation.
That was my first and last catfight that I never won.No please, I will stick to my verbal fights. I cannot forget those man hands that made my face ache for two weeks.
See you at the book club tomorrow.